Writing Retreat

I'm going home today, after a 4-day writing retreat that I wasn't going to tell anyone about, lest I have to talk about it or explain it, god forbid.  But here I am nevertheless posting for the world to see.  Or whoever is out there reading my blog.

I've been writing stories for a long time, since I was a kid actually; but I've tended to shy away from fully committing to a serious goal--to believe in writing as a legit endeavor and to believe that I could do it.  I finally got up the courage many moons ago when I left my corporate career, albeit primarily to start a family, but also to take a stab at writing fiction.

After some years of disappointment, I had the amazing good fortune to become a mom to Abigail and Reese, just fifteen months apart.  During those few years of trying to get pregnant, I wrote a lot and worked hard to hone my understanding of the craft.  I produced a lot of work, but with the kids arriving so close together, I've been busy with them and only writing in fits and starts for the past five years.  I wouldn't trade in my good fortune to be a stay-at-home mom while my kids are so young, not ever.  But my time at home has not been a straight line, and I still have ambitions and interests outside my role as a mother.

My room in the carriage house.  How writerly, huh?

This blog has been my main outlet, however when it became evident that Doug would be home for a while, he encouraged me to take as much time as possible to write fiction while I had the luxury of extra help.  Believe me, I procrastinated in taking him up on this offer and in coming up with a plan.

But, here and there, I began to take ENTIRE days this month to write while Doug toted the kids around in the bakfiets. Finally, this week, I escaped to the countryside, about an hour and a half outside Amsterdam, for a four-day solo writing retreat.

Again, I'd like to deliver all good news, but it's been hard and not nearly as productive as I had imagined it would be.  Still, I faced the blank page, worked hard, logged the hours, and, above all, started my journey.

Of course, I have absolutely nooooo expectations . . . it's all about landing an agent, the book deal, a cool marketing blitz, the oprah interview, movie rights enjoying the journey and having fun writing

I decided to post for two reasons.  First, this blog is above all for my kids.  It started as a way to capture our time as ex pats in Europe, but I also hope to one day go back and write about the stories and memories prior to our move.  I tend to default to posting about Abby and Reese's experiences to the neglect of relaying my own personal, adult (i.e. non-mommy) experiences.

This time it struck me that someday it will be important and fun for them to see that their mom put out the hard effort for her dreams, no matter what the outcome.  And at an age some consider too old to have a second career.  Going forward, I've promised myself to let my kids see more of their mom in this blog.

This leads me to the second reason for posting--accountability.  It's out there now. Whether you care or not, I now think you do, and that helps.  Making my plans public, helps hold me accountable to myself.

So, here goes.  I am writing a novel.  I am going to workshop that novel.  I am going to revise it and revise it and revise it and revise it.  I'm going to keep showing up.

Then I'm going to put it out there.

I'll keep you posted.

Doug seeing me off on Monday.